About Alien Soup

Humans man your wierd

 

Oh REally, Sentinel? And what do you know about aliens? Not much I suspect, but that doesn't seem to stop you from spreading all sorts of viscious rumors and innuendo which serves no real purpose that I can see but to mask a blatant attempt by you to hide your own selfish agenda.

And as for asking Rosebud to burn down her house to protect my pickle, nothing could be further from the truth as slimey green alien pickles are for the most part flame retardant as well as scratch resistant, waterproof, and and they come with a genuine certificate of authenticity. Torching her house would simply create a diversion thereby giving her the extra time she needs to escape the REAL enemy, which of course are the aggressive violence-prone heavily-armed humanoid individuals in their black unmarked helicopters and gas-guzzling unmarked black Humvees with the laser-guided alien tracking devices mounted on top.

And while we're on the subject of certification, I challenge you to name one thing you possess which has been certified by the IGACB (Inter-Galactic Appendage Certification Board). There's a reason why maxed out gold card carrying SUV-driving saucy soccer moms prefer alien pickles over the vastly inferior human variety almost 10 to 1, and I don't have to tell you what that reason is now do I, Shorty?

And as for the erroneous trumped up charges of importing advanced technology to a class *c* planet....since when is biologically generated brain wave therapy and old-fashioned Gherkinology considered technology? You co-dependent humans are obsessed with trinkets and technology aren't you?

The *Uberprober* has been around for centuries, and it certainly cannot be classified as advanced...unless.. unless you include recent upgrades which include the extensively modified solar-powered *Ubertickler* that has been such a big hit with Ripley and the others...but advanced? I think not. We haven't used our most advanced probing system yet for obvious reasons. There are only 24 hours in the earth day and if you multiply that by 2.74 billion unprobed females, well....I assume you are capable of seeing my point.

Your unscrupulous mention of the term *Ovis aries* indicates your REAL reason for coming here and I don't have to tell you what that reason is now do I? I suggest you drop it if you are capable of dropping it, and if not, then I shall see what can done to exacerbate that *little* problem you've been having since puberty.

 

Aliens....aliens...why do you two argue. Don't you know that you are on the same side? You might be from different planets, but now you sound like us Earthlings.

If your race can't keep peace, then how do you expect me to help you here on this planet? Only way to have peace between you too is to lock you both up in the same room. Keep you both there until you reconcile your differences.

 

Humans

 

Ha! So it is even worse that I suspected. You would have the poor hapless gold card carrying SUV-driving saucy soccer mom burn down her domicile for nothing more than a diversion. You Sir are a Cad.

You Sir know darn well that the *Uberprober* you are in possession of is the black opps version that is *above top double dog really really secret* and is classified *for Eye Stalks only* by the IGRSCB (Inter-Galactic really secret Certification Board). You have the new *fourth dimension time delayed orgasmic 7* it is as you know capable of upon insertion of propelling the one probed into the past 7 seconds and placing them in a orgiastic time loop. The results are unending non linear carnell delight. However while harmless to the pickle packing masses of your world the poor hapless mall walking, gold card carrying, SUV driving Soccer mom {MILFS} become so adsorbed in the pleasures they forget to take in nutrients and tend to die in a horrible manner.

As for the *Ovis aries* I will drop the matter as I know just the sight of these creatures sets you Gerrhonotus Gherkin wankers
on a bacchanalian Frenzy.

If you know what’s good for you you will surrender your *Pickle* at first light!

 

Schizy I've missed your probing! I need an emergency session ASAP! Whatever plans you have, set them aside....I may even need you to pull an all nighter!

 

Ripley I implore you to let me de-pickle you. The pleasure you will derive from the process is uncomprehensible. You will never allow another slimey green pickle to insert itself upon you person after you have enjoyed the *Sentinel Stiffy Stimulater and Depickler..... @patent pending.

Ripley what do you have to lose? I offer you a no risk 30 minute sampler.

 

Humans

 

Thats just it Light. These two characters are not humans, but aliens. Sentinel and Schizander are both aliens from different solar systems. Each one trying to get as many females for probing and mental pickling. I Wonder if any more aliens will come forward and claim to be part of this galactic expanse of alien freedom.

 

And I have certainly missed giving it to you, Ripley, but now that I've had a chance to relax a few minutes and invigorate myself with a nice nutritious meal of piping hot slimeball stew and tossed garden slug salad..guess what? Yes, I definitely do feel up to pulling a non-stop all-nighter probe session til the wee hours of the morning if necessary. Anything your little heart desires, my pretty.

In fact, just this very minute I finished recalibrating the Uberprober* and replaced the worn tickler heads with nice firm new rubbery ones that go "bumpity-bump-bump" when they touch those special probe-sensitive "P" spots.

Just pretend you didn't read all those erotically disgusting things that Sentinel posted about the advanced Uberprober* ....and please ignore as well those equally wretched things he said about probees dying from reduced nutrient intake. This is simply not true. Haven't I been providing you with lots and lots of vitamin packed Twinkies and chocolate Ding-Dongs during our long drawn out strenous probe sessions? Of course I have. If you want a probe job done right the first time, just leave it to an alien I always say.

BTW, did you know the Uberprober* comes with a high pressure car wash attachment and automatic corkscrew remover? It can also cook, do laundry, vaccum, and shop online for you while you rest up between probe sessions. Obviously no other prober is capable of that kind of service day in and day out month after month.

 

Ripley can not you see the writing upon wall? See you not the scoundrel at work? There are no tickler heads on an authentic Uberproper. The licensed and accredited Uberprober comes with the triple orgiastic magic fingers made from the prepuce of the Tri-gender screaming sphenisciform seabird of Rigel 7.
Rubber ticklers are used in the Kong Hong rip off Uberprobe copies.

Ripley accept you not this dangerous imitation *Uberprobe* as it be known to cause the dreaded *UbeRash. This be the blight of the unwary my dear Ripley. The *UberRash starts off as little red pimples on you naughty bits. However these little red pimples soon grow to mucopurulent vesicles the size of chestnuts.

After a gestation period of 30 days these vesicles grow to the size of soccer balls and number in the dozens. Upon reaching maturity they explode covering all within a 50 foot radius with gelatinousness *UberPuss.

Ripley you surely want not to be covered in *Uberpuss.

Choose Sentinel.

 

Uberpuss? gross! I must say I haven't seen any red pimply like spots on my naughty bits. But I will certainly keep my eye out for them. Until then, and only then will I trust a word you say Sentinel.

Our last session was absolutely wonderful Schizy! I didn't realize I had so many memories of this green alien pickly thing. I may even remember its name one of these days. I find that you and it are alike in alot of ways. I wonder why that is? Maybe you were from the same planet?

I can tell you there isn't a human male that could compare to your treatments. I haven't regreted them a bit. The all nighters, the ding dong, twinkies, and slime green milk like substance to wash it all down. I haven't been this relaxed in a long time. I owe it all to you Master.

 

What innane gibberish is this, Sentinel? Of course there are ticklers on a Uberprober*....in fact there are three of them, each rotating at different speeds and in different directions so as to maximize contact with the probe surface as well as penetrate the more sensitive areas below with billions of pulsating invigorating Ubervibrations*.

Ripley will not be taken in by your nefarious and blatantly false claims about the Uberprober*, and and I suspect you will also be hearing from several Uberprober* attorneys very soon concerning these most unsavory allegations. It's one thing to cast aspersions on my good name with your off-handed false allegations concerning these Ovis malingerers, but how dare you slander the new and improved Uberprober!!! For your information, sir, I was personally was involved in the design of the Uberprober* and I should know whether it has a tickler or not.

And as for the Uberprober* causing a rash, nothing could be further from the truth. All Uberprobers** are sterilized 9 (nine) times before and after each probe session, so there's no way it could cause little (or big) red pimples or blue pimples or pink polka dotted ones either for that matter, nor is it responsible for mucopurulent vesicles (whatever those are) and it certainly does NOT produce Uberpuss*!! How dare you make such outrageous claims about such a wonderful piece of advanced alien technology.

This disgraceful unprovoked attack upon the Uberprober* name will not go unchallenged by the BPAU (Board of Professional Alien Uberproberologists********************************) will not and cannot be allowed to stand. Uberpuss indeed! Ha!

 

*I can tell you there isn't a human male that could compare to your treatments. I haven't regreted them a bit. The all nighters, the ding dong, twinkies, and slime green milk like substance to wash it all down. I haven't been this relaxed in a long time. I owe it all to you Master.*


Ripley you are calling Schizander MASTER!!!!!!! Wake up girl, for you are under his spell. Do not give into his pickle ways. Do you want to be just another concubine on his poontang ranch, making alien babies?

Think about this Ripley we are here to tell the world that we have nothing to fear from aliens. So far Schizander has done no harm to any humans but only to give pleasure to a few. I think you have been well probed Ripley and now is the time for us to do some alien work. We need assignments, we need to work. We need to be fullfilled in other ways besides being pickled all day and night. I'm not saying that his pickle probing wasn't good for you and your mental health is back to normal, that is I think your mental health is back to normal.

Take my hand Ripley and we will do some work together and then you can have your probing with Schizander as well. If that is alright with your master. lol

 

Yes, Ripley, all this nonsense is very disturbing and quite disgusting isn't it, my pretty? The very idea of an untreatable red pimply so-called Uberash* suddenly appearing without warning anywhere near your NB's is frightening to say the least.

And ask yourself, exactly what kind of surly scoundrel would dare to post this type of unrefined malicious shameless calumny here in a public forum for any and all perverts to peruse at will? You'll never hear me make off-color remarks about your naughty bits I can assure you of that.

How well I remember being a handsome young probe trainee and taking the solemn prober's oath to "never do harm or make grievous remarks about a probee's naughty bits" and I have always made it a top priority to honor that part of the oath throughout my long career, and I shall continue to do so. Your naughty bits are safe with me, Ripley, and the Uberprober* will not and cannot be the vile instrument of pustulent contagion that Sentinel claims.

I took the liberty of making you an appointment this morning at straight up 9 o'clock for three consecutive probe sessions followed by three post probe massage sessions in the new patented Slimejet* jacuzziuzi which I ordered just for such naughty bits oppression and stress-reduction occasions as this. Notice that poor Rosebud seems to be entirely under the spell of this Sentinel interloper. She has cancelled all her probe appointments (or someone has) and she dared to question my orders to burn down her house and tunnel to safety.

Obviously this is a very serious development. I hope you will not be swayed by this fiend as you will need to be in complete control of your faculties when the time comes for your really BIG event. Unfortunately, our dear Rosebud will not be having a BIG event as she has chosen to settle for a much lesser event with this Sentinel character.

 

I didn't know I had an appointment with you Schizander. You have been very busy lately. You mentioned before, that you needed woman to take care of alien children. Now if I blow up my house how will I take care of them? Where would they live? Would I be watching these alien children on your space ship?
Before I blow up my house I need an answer to my question.

 

Humans dang it

 

Rose, Rose, Rose....I think you have been listening to Sentinel too much. Too much probing???? Are you silly??? A probing a day keeps Sentinel away. Have you ever stopped to wonder WHY Sentinel thinks probing is bad for you? Could it be that its because we human females, won't need male humans anymore? I believe Sentinel is being payed off by human males.

I think you should take MY hand Rosey, and we could have a double probing session. A managia-pickle? Don't be afraid rosey dear....I won't let anything happen to you.

 

The Uberprober was originally invented by *Umwap Sitenthe 16th-* of Rigel 7 Sub Continent 6.78%. The original design plans are filed in the SSGPO {Super Secret Galactic Patent Office located on Rigel 12. Below is the formulation for the Uberpulsations:

n + 6Li ? T + 4He
n + 7Li ? T + 4He + n

For your Information Sir! This article comes from the Rigel 12 World Press
{WP} Dated October 15, 2005 {ET} Earth Time..........
**********************************************************
UberProber Knock-Offs Flood Market Dr. Schizander Indicted

By BREE TOWLER, World Press 10/15/05 12:00

Sito Ritelk- TRosa Lee SmParks, went in for a standard uberprobe last week at the local Uberclinic only to awaken the next day with a strange rash on her naughty bits. Two days later she was sporting eggplant sized Pustules.

Chi tRi ChuMbOttom had her Uberprobe done by an unlicensed Uber in back of the Dry Cleaners she frequents. Five days later she exploded at work covering her coworkers in Uberpuss.

TiBur Ti-TiBitTy checked into the Federal hospital for an Uberprobe by her fully licensed Uberprober only to go into anabolic shock during the procedure. Within 24 hours she was engulfed in a 300 pound pustule that had to be contained by a controlled explosion that went awry and took out the west wing of the Rigel Federal hospital and Resort 3 weeks ago.

What do all these incidents have in common? They are all the victims of a growing problem. *Uberprobe knock offs, generic rip offs made in the sub continent of Kong Hong and sold either on the medical market as the real thing to unsuspecting Uberprobe Tech's and clinic's. Or bought by unscrupulous UberFrauds.

The Master Mind behind this massive Fraud a Dr.Schizander is believed to be living off Planet on a back woods planet Named *Earth. Agents of the IGSS have been dispatched to track down this menace.

**********************************************************

Nice try Doc but I am afraid your fraud has broke the headlines back home. Your nefarious plot has been exposed and will soon be known through out the known Galaxy's.

You Sir are in really, really big trouble.

 

Rose, you silly girl...you are sooooo paranoid. Of course Ripley calls me Master* but it's only an overused catch-all term of alien respect and in no way means she is my servant, and she certainly is not under any kind of pickle spell. She is simply voicing her pleasure at finally being able to relax and enjoy life again without being hounded and harassed by another dorky impotent humanoid male pervert. I should think you would be more supportive of Ripley instead of accusing her of wanting to become some kind of unkempt Poonie farm floozie.

As for there being more to life than one slimey (but very enjoyable) probe session after the other, of course there is, and very soon our dear Ripley shall be given free reign to pursue those lofty goals, but first she must be allowed to move up the chromosomal ladder to the next all important stage of her cross-hybridization DNA implant replacement and the follow up transmutated foetal development, which btw is going a long way towards preparing her for her final BIG event.*

Had you not sided with this Sentinel entity, you too would be actively pursuing such exciting and personally rewarding activities. As it stands at the moment however, your uncooperativeness is causing quite a bit of work-related stress, which in turn has resulted in the return of those itchy twitchy anxiety dry scale hives. Now I shall have to lock myself in the humidifier for 24 hours until my slime glands open up and start doing their thing again. I hope you realize what happens when you upset the delicate physiological balance of a very sensitive alien who is after all only looking out for your best interest.