Just Kick Yourself In The Butt And Move On?

Lots of people who decide to seek treatment from a qualified psychotherapist have had one or more traumatic experiences happen to them at some point in their lives. And many trauma therapists believe that psychotherapy is helpful for many who can't get over what happened to them.

However, some shrinks only believe in helping trauma victims deal with todays issues. They don't believe in talking with their clients about past traumatic events that happened to them. Instead, some therapists literally tell people who ask, "How do I get over what happened to me?" to "Move on."

Just move on? What if you can't?

To me, a therapist who thinks that someone can just kick themselves in the butt and simply move on is a therapist who doesn't really know what he or she is doing.

 

Kicking yourself in the butt is a few inches removed from kicking your self in the wallet. If you have that much disposable income to waste on a therapist you would feel better about yourself if you donated that money to a worthy cause instead.
IMHO there isn't any therapist out there that does any good, or knows what they are doing, beyond knowing how to take your money, it is the individual themselves who solve their issues.

 

Interesting post.

I can't say I lived a totally traumatic experience. I don't know. I see what has happened to some people and think the bad things that have happened to me aren't all that bad. So I might be talking out my ass here, but I'll still give my viewpoint.

Anything that has happened to me and my reaction to it happens purely in my own mind. Either I am a victim of my mind or I am the king of it. As soon as I am a victim, I've given up control. I am basically saying, my mind is at fault and then I have a guilty party to blame for the bad things that I do and the poor way I react to people, places and things, now and in the future.

You see, everything that goes on in your mind is a decision. When you wake up, you decide if your day is going to be good or not. If you eat something, you decide if it tastes good or not. If something happens to you, you decide how you will react to that experience, positively or not.

A psychotherapist telling you to decide to leave the past the past, because you can't change it anyway IS the only advice one can give someone. You simply can't erase what has happened to you. The same goes for your memories too. However, it is up to you to decide, all the time, at any time, how you react to those experiences and memories. That is the last and actually only human freedom. If you've taken the route of the victim, it was and is your OWN decision. And you CAN most definitely change your mind at any time.

I wish I could offer you the book to read, where I learned this in my life. Yes, I got this revelation from a book! But, it is only in German, though the title is, "The Laws of Winners". The author talks about Victor Frankl. Victor was a holocaust victim. He could have took the path for the rest of his life of a victim, but the revelation that started his life's work hit him in the German concentration camp he was sent to. They could do everything they wanted to him, he still had control of his own mind and simply decided to learn to live with the hardship and cruelty. He decided the war and the persecution would not be a traumatic experience, but rather, for him, a life changing and enlightening one.

Kicking yourself in your ass is simply another way of saying "take control and don't be your own victim".

Scott

 

I have schizophrenia and I have a psychiatrist and a psychologist that I have to go see monthly. And I keep telling them that I can not forget the past and they keep telling me I need to let go. And I am getting better at letting go, but there is no way I am going to 100% forget the past,

Greg

 

Hmm...I don't think you should forget the past. You should choose your best reaction to it. Is it something horrible and something that you will let ruin your present and future life, where it overpowers you? Is it the scapegoat for your life's miseries or your own bad attitudes or even actions? Or is it just bad things that have happened, which you have decided to learn from, or simply not let overtake your life or negatively affect it or even see the positives from?

I think, if we would forget our past, we'd all be bumbling 2 year old idiots in adult bodies.

Scott

 

U I have never been to a therapist so can't speak to what they do or do not do. That said, everyone goes through bad patches and some peoples experiences can be very traumatic for them and can be hard to move on from.

My personal philosophy is three fold - action, understanding, and responsibility.

1 - Action: If someone falls off a bike and scrapes themselves up, the longer they wait to get back on the bike and ride again the more terrified they will be. So following the kick in the rear method, I believe in getting the person back on the bike again as quickly as possible. Please note that this sometimes requires the proper guidance - I am not advocating going it alone.

2 - Understanding: Understanding the situation: Yes, it can be therapeutic to understand the underlying causes and factors that led to the issue. For example, my mother is an alcoholic and was genetically inclined towards it given that her grandparents, and so on were raging alcoholics. It helps knowing that my mothers issues were in part due to her own actions, her genetics and a lack of understanding at that time of alcoholism. Knowing these things helps me understand the issue better and move on from it.

3 - Responsibility: A lot of people tend don't want to face up to the truth of things. Its hard to admit and because of that hard to let go. We often shy away from taking responsibility (it's all my mom's fault) or we take responsibility for all the wrong things (i.e. I blame myself for not going more about my mothers drinking problems despite the fact I was a kid). I believe healing entails taking responsibility for the right things. At a minimum - we have a responsibility to ourselves and to living the best life possible.

With that in mind, I am big on pushing personal responsibility because you owe it to yourself to be happy to and to create the life you want to have. It is not your fault that something traumatic may have happened but you have are responsible for allowing it to continue to control your life.

Its tough. And by no means are these simple statements exhaustive.