Welcome, I hope you enjoy your stay here, now I must probe you, so bend it over and prepare to be probed, don't worry it will only hurt a lot.
Mmmmmm hello, Dano. Were you named after the guy on the old 1970's TV show Hawaii 5-0? Remember what Jack Lord always said to his young detective when the crooks were rounded up? "Book'em Dano!" This is one of our (aliens) favorite TV programs back on the home planet....we are just now receiving the signal...it's that far away I'm afraid. I see someone has already mentioned getting probed. Basically there are two main types of probes conducted by the aliens at this particular location...first there's the more common but highly invasive and often painful Uberproben reserved mainly for those who are in tip top (and tip bottom) physical shape. This version is most often used on uncooperative unstable whiney abductees who are chronic troublemakers from the beginning and who are just plain asking for it so they can read about themselves in the National Inquirer and brag about it at parties. This type individual is almost always heavily sedated and then released back at the abduction site and good riddance to them I might add. The second type of probe is the more advanced alien mind probe in which the abductee's mind is subjected to an intense barrage of alien thought waves which overwhelms the victim...I mean the individual's own thought processes and redirects them into more productive channels which ultimately advances the alien cause. This is a very subtle procedure, so subtle in fact that the person often does not realize what is happening and simply thinks these new ideas are his own....Yes, it is similar to what you humans call "brainwashing" but we aliens prefer to think of it as creative thought conditioning. I am recommending this second type probe for you as you seem to be a reasonably intelligent and very stable individual who also possesses more than adequate social skills for someone of your height, age, and socio-economic background. Please ignore the largely negative comments which have been posted by certain individuals (Sentinel, riteaim, etc.) who claim they have been sent here to save mankind and womankind from the "evil clutches" of highly advanced benevolent aliens such as myself and others. I can assure you these hedonistically inclined miscreants are out to do you harm. You can trust aliens, but you cannot trust paranoid humans who fly around in unmarked black helicopters and do such horrid things as mutilate cattle and wreak other types of havoc on innocent farmers with their so-called crop circles. Aliens like farmers and we would never destroy their property. We like cows too and in the beginning we mistakenly abducted them as we initially thought they were your planet's most advanced life form. The fact that cows have four stomachs was also quite impressive at the time, but their simplistic language (what with only one consonant and one vowel) and their total lack of toilet training left something to be desired. At any rate...welcome.
Thanks for the welcoming guys ..made me feel all warm and fuzzy! though I'm not sure about the probing.
Don't let Schizander scare you Dano, he is one of the aliens who reside here. Why he chose to tell you so much vital information on what he plans to do with you is against alien policy. This must be reported to the board. Don't worry Dano we will take care of everything.
Oh we have ways of dealing with him, don't worry. Welcome aboard, Dano! As lobo always says, "it's nice to meet you there"!
